Jesus had already performed another similar miracle in front of the disciples earlier when he fed the five thousand (Mark 6:31-44; Matt. 15:32-39; Luke 9:10-17). However, what is interesting is how the disciples still didn't get it. Jesus was showing them His deity and ability to take care of human needs and wants. What made it even more incredible was the fact that Jesus was "moved with compassion", each time. Also, He was showing them that what He multiplies he has already blessed first. Remember that He gave thanks and blessed the bread and fish before He multiplied it. Then, He gave it to the disciples to give to the people. So, what God multiplies He blesses first then gives it away. That got me thinking.
As I've been recently unemployed I've been struggling with a lot of that, "gotta make it happen and get another job NOW!" mentality that I think we can often confuse as being conviction. When in fact it's only negative guilt that is pressing on us to do it. That's exactly what I did. I felt guilty and a little scared, because for the first time in over 11 years, I didn't have a job anymore. So, being unfamiliar with that, I panicked and started trying to "make it happen NOW!" What happened was very interesting. I shot out hundreds of resumes to different companies and started getting mad when I wasn't getting any responses right away. I thought, "I have a pretty impressive resume. It shouldn't take long." No one got back to me.
Did it feel like I was forcing it? Absolutely. Did I know that in God's perfect timing He will open another opportunity for me? Definitely. So then why was I beating myself up so much about having to find a job so soon when I knew that God would take care of the whole thing? A little thing called pride. After all, my wife Jenn wasn't even the least bit shaken by it. In fact, she was thankful. "Now I get to have you more often", she said to me. Could God be blessing me in this situation even though I am not able to provide for my household?
And, that got me thinking even more. What I failed to realize is that I've been given TIME. Something that most of us always pray and beg God for more of. And, believe me...my time was multiplied! So, instead of asking God for mercy everyday in finding a job, and feeling like I need to do something about it, why don't I thank Him for the time he has first blessed and then multiplied in my life and just trust Him? Duh! If my wife is blessed by it and excited that we can spend all this time together, and try to figure out the next chapter in our lives, isn't that an indication that perhaps things are right? Again...Duh! Of course they were.
That's worth more than a job to me. I can't take a job with me to heaven, but I can definitely take the love that has grown in my heart. I think that's a valuable investment. In the process of my multiplied time, I've been able to do a lot more of what I normally couldn't do in the course of any given day. I have been able to bless my wife with a nice dinner just about everyday. We can spend more quality time together. I am almost finished mixing down the entire album that Jerrico and I are just about finished with. I have been able to produce more music than I ever thought possible without rushing through it. Overall, I feel at peace with everything knowing that God has everything under control.
Another thing that happened was I got strep throat that had me practically nailed to the floor for almost 10 days. There was no way I could do anything. It was almost like it was been placed upon me. I believe in my heart now that God was blessing me with the time that I have, has multiplied it, and my job is just to figure out how to use it bless others while I have it. So, if you're in the same situation, maybe instead of feeling the pressure of guilt, and the prodding of pride to do something on your own, which is not of God anyway, be thankful for the time you do have and use it to bless the people in your life. Because, time is the one thing we can't take back.
